PART 2 :
The Universe Has Its Games...
Have you ever dated someone and then realised, after you
start to date them that perhaps they are not the one for you, but due to your
ability to be committed to your choices, you let the relationship ride its wave
until such a point where there is no turning back – or rather that you are very
much interested to see if they fulfil the potential that is built up in your
head? What is it about us that allows for us to go against our gut and stay in
these relationships, knowing very well that they are doomed for disaster? It is
the subconscious necessity of having to go through the experience? The greater
power that is manifested in your ability to recognise yourself in dealing with
another spirit and allowing for that spirit to enter your being, physically,
mentally and emotionally – if need be.
I suppose that one
only comes to such a realisation after having been in that relationship. The
lessons appear to us in the near and far future, but they are really initiated
throughout the time that we are exploring the realms of another being; hence
our ability to use expressions such as: “in hindsight” and “I knew it when we
were together”...
This past weekend compelled riveting conversations centred on
relationships and their norms. I exchanged words of peace with strangers,
sisters and friends alike. I thought to myself: In a world of such turmoil, where my people
are being killed for no apparent reason at all and children are dying, hourly,
due to malnutrition, what purpose does our ideal of love play within the roles
of our highly complex societies?
A story that I wish to share with you is one of moral fibre.
I used to work as a chef in a small restaurant with a small open kitchen. The
nature of this restaurant was to go out onto the floor and engage the customers
– my favourite activity. It was on a beautiful summer’s night when I saw a very
handsome gentleman (I hope) enter the room. I noticed that he had been looking
my way from time-to-time, but I simply ignored him and continued with that
evening’s service. At the end of the evening, I walked around the space,
ensuring the comfort of our guests and when it came time to approach him, I
became excited. I was in a relationship at the time. I had to remain focused on
my work and less so on the dream that was sitting in front of me. I thought to
myself, “You are in a committed relationship with someone and that is all that
matters”. – My intention is to never hurt people and I have now understood that
most of my life, I have misunderstood the notion that:
‘Just because we choose to fulfil our own levels of happiness, it does
not mean that we possess the intent to hurt the feelings of another.’ –
Ipeleng Motuba.
Sure, my partner ended up being somewhat of a loser who was unfaithful
towards our relationship and I, but at the time, I knew that it would be ‘morally
incorrect’ to entertain even the fantasy of being with another person outside
of my relationship – especially if my partner and I had never discussed the
values of being in an open relationship or any other such agreements thereto. The
funniest part of the story is that the very same woman, with whom my partner
cheated with, is now engaged to another man. So at the end of it all, does it
really matter? Does any of it matter? I could harbour anger and resentment
towards our relationship and the pretence behind it, but why choose to affect
myself in a way that otherwise creates a deeper inner turmoil. Rather, I have
forgiven us all, for I am grateful. In hindsight, he is not a loser. He was just
not meant for me.
It happened that, a few weeks later, the very same gentleman
(the one from the restaurant) had appeared to be the former best friend of
someone who I became very close to at the time of my working there. Not only
that, but I too had dated an old friend of his, with whom I have since, lost
touch. All of a sudden, I saw this man
wherever I turned and I had to fight very hard to ignore myself whenever we
were around each other. He too seemed coy, but that is another story for
another day. What I want to know and think of, to this day, from a moral
perspective is that: Are we still stuck in an era; whereby we restrict
ourselves to the point that we have to suppress our urges and desires to be
with anyone whom we choose, within our personal limits, of course? I.e. is it
wrong to be with someone who used to sleep with, date or be married to your
friend or member of your family? Is it as taboo as we have depicted it to be, over
the years of our existence? Surely the immoral aspect would come into play if you were to engage that person whilst they are in their relationship and not the other way around? What then does it make of one who chooses to do so
outside of any other relationship? People often say that it depends on how the
former relationship ended. My belief (today) is that it is inevitable that as
friends, brothers and sisters of like minds, we will find ourselves attracted
to the same people. So if you are happy and your friend’s/brother’s/sister’s
happiness depends on your approval; yet, you decline such approval,
are you
really as happy as you believe yourself to be or do your harbour some angst
that you have yet to deal with? #ThinkAboutIt
A client of mine, made a valid statement towards me the
other week in saying “You would think that due to the ways in which we have
progressed over the years (psychologically, physically, technologically etc.)
that sexual liberation and/or orientation would by now, be detached from any
need to become emotional about our sexual acts and/or preferences; as well as,
our desired counterparts – within reason.” My interpretation of what he said was that, perhaps
it does
not necessarily matter who, when and with whom we sleep with, marry or date.
After all, people (read black people) are being shot every day, for no apparent
reason; so, in the bigger scheme of life and its progression, are sex, love and
marriage still as highly related to the ideals and morals that are associated
with societal norms as we once believed them to be? The second question within
the bigger scheme of life’s confusion is that
when it comes to love, does it
really matter who you love, where they come from and how you were brought into
each other’s lives;
or, is it always the way of the Universe, challenging us to
fulfil our own happiness, even it may at first appear “wrong” in the eyes of
others?
Best Love,
Khaleesi of the *Universe*
P.S. "A life would be better made, if peanuts tasted like cashews." - Ipeleng Motuba.
